a bleak reminder

November 27, 2009 at 5:20 pm (Thoughts) (, , )

Just as hope was finally beginning to eclipse the hurt and anger and disappointment, I received a cutting reminder of the harsh reality of my miscarriage.

The last day and a half have been the brightest days I’ve had in weeks. That heavy weight felt as if it had been lifted off of my heart and I allowed myself to feel hopeful again. I just felt different, like I could breathe again without aching. I felt like I could probably look at a pregnant woman and feel anticipation instead of disgust.

My phone rang this morning and I expected to pick it up and have my friend, V, on the line. Instead, as I picked up the phone, I realized it was the prenatal care clinic.

Hello, may I speak to Tasha?

This is.

I’m just calling to confirm your appointment for next Friday, December 4th.

I had a miscarriage. They were supposed to call you and cancel this appointment.

They didn’t. I’m sorry.

Not as sorry as I was to be reminded that if this hadn’t happened, I would be finished my first trimester, going in for my first ultrasound and getting to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time.


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