grasping at straws

December 22, 2009 at 6:45 pm (Trying to conceive) (, , , )

I’m so disappointed. I really had thought that maybe I was pregnant. I’ve been feeling bloated for the last several days, and have definitely thought that it felt like it did when I was pregnant before. For the last few hours, I’ve even felt a little sick, like I might throw up. But just now, I came from the bathroom and noticed a little bit of blood on the toilet paper. It was bright red. My heart sank.

I must not be pregnant.

There is the very slim possibility that this is actually implantation bleeding and not, in fact, the start of my period. It is actually a bit early to be my period as I did not expect it until at least Saturday. Supposedly, implantation bleeding occurs about 9-10 days past ovulation (DPO) so that seems about right. However, most sources say that it is typically not bright red and instead tends to be dark brown or even almost black.

I only cried a little bit, but I’m still so disappointed. I guess it really was longing that I was feeling when I thought I was experiencing all those potential pregnancy symptoms. I guess there is still a teeny bit of hope as I have not had a full on period yet, but I am feeling pessimistic. Part of me wants to take that pregnancy test anyway, just to see. I guess I just have to wait out the next few hours, the next few days, to see how things play out.

I hate all of this waiting.

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11 Comments

  1. understands said,

    Hey tasha, how´s it going today? I really hope you were wrong and that it was not your period. 😦 I understand what you are going through. This was our first month of trying after the mc and it ended with a negative pregnancy test and a very late period. Since we got pregnant after the first month of trying the first time round, we were very disappointed. I know it´s pretty unrealistic to expect to get pregnant right away, but I guess it is normal to hope. Anyway, I hope that things have worked out differently for you. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Take care xxx

  2. Eleanor said,

    If it helps any – I had implantation bleeding with both my pregnancies (my 1st I miscarried & my 2nd) and it was 10 dpo both times and it was a light to medium pink each time also. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

    • tasha said,

      @ Eleanor – how long did you implantation bleeding last? I just had that one spot yesterday and then a spot again today, but nothing in between. I’m confused and worried!

  3. K said,

    Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Keep us posted.

  4. tasha said,

    Thank you for all the kind words everyone. That little bit of spotting was all there was yesterday… nothing later through the night and none this morning. I am really really hoping that it was implantation bleeding but I am still extremely nervous.

    @understands – We got pregnant the very first month, too, and I know it’s totally unrealistic to think we can get pregnant right away again, but I am just holding out hope!!! I wish you the best of luck with next month, keep me posted.

  5. moon said,

    i really hope you get the news you’re expecting!
    but if you don’t, it just means you can give your body more time to heal and get healthy.
    crossing my fingers for you though!

  6. Taking a Chance on Baby said,

    I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

    If you haven’t, I’d also encourage you to find someone to talk to. About two weeks after I got the positive on my pregnancy following my miscarriage I completely broke down out of fear and panic and terror for my new pregnancy, none of which was helped by the bleeding episodes I had at 6, 7, 8, and 10 weeks pregnant. But pregnancy following miscarriage more often than not turns into a beautiful child.

    I saw your comment on my blog and wanted to share that not only is Elanor a successful pregnancy following a miscarriage, but two of her cousins are as well.

  7. 2LoveBirds said,

    I just started reading your blog today and I can really relate! I wish you all the best that you had implantation bleeding and that you’ll get your BFP on Christmas morning.

    I had a m/c in July at 10 weeks – the baby had died at 5 weeks and I didn’t know until my first u/s at 9 weeks. Miscarriage is so devastating. We got pregnant on our first month of TTC too. My period came back 6 weeks after the m/c and we starting trying again. We are on cycle #4 of trying right now. My cycles have been 27, 32 and 21 days long and today is CD30. I have no idea what is happening. I am hoping for a BFP and plan to test tomorrow morning. I really hate the waiting too!

    Thanks so much for sharing in your blog. It helps to know that someone else feels the same way.

  8. tasha said,

    @TCB – How long were your bleeding episodes? I know I would be completely terrified and a total mess if that happened to me after my first miscarriage. I really hope that I am pregnant and that we can just “get going” again. All this waiting is so frustrating.

    @2LB – I’m glad that my blog helped a bit… The reason I started writing it is because I came across someone else’s blog who had a miscarriage and she ended up having a beautiful baby girl. It must be difficult that your cycles have been all over the place – were they like that before your MC, too? Good luck with your test tomorrow, please come back and let me know how it turned out.

    • 2LoveBirds said,

      BFN today 😦 But still no period yet. And I’m still having very sore boobs which I had last time I got my BFP. If no period by Monday, I’ll test again. You are right – the waiting sucks.

      My period was more regular than this before the miscarriage. Maybe my body is still trying to get back to normal after the m/c. I think this cycle was the first time I ovulated since the m/c.

  9. Understands said,

    Hi Tasha, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to suggest that it is unrealistic of you to hope to be pregnant. I have heard of so many people who got pregnant again on the first try after mc. I was just trying to talk myself out of my own expectations! I really, really hope that you will write soon with the good news. All the best and take care xxx

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