what’s up doc?

January 7, 2010 at 10:29 pm (First Trimester, pregnancy after miscarriage) (, , , )

This morning I went for my first doctor’s appointment. It’s just my GP, so I knew it would be a short visit and definitely no ultrasound. It didn’t matter, I was still excited to go. Last time I saw her, she was telling me what to expect as my miscarriage went into full gear. This was a much happier visit. She was pleased to hear that I had decided to stop playing hockey right away. “I’m not saying playing hockey caused your miscarriage, but it is a rougher and more physical sport, so it’s probably better that you’re playing it safe and taking it easy.”

So – M made the call to our friend who organizes our hockey team and said that I had hurt my ankle while out for a run last night and that I wouldn’t be playing tomorrow. I’m hoping this scenario is pretty believable since I have had multiple ankle and knee problems from running. It should also allow for a longer term “injury” that will keep me sidelined for a few weeks. I honestly don’t know if it will fly, though – we’ve been playing hockey together for years and I never really miss games even if I am hurt. For weeks, I just played with my ankles taped up and would swear in the changeroom as I ripped the tape (and some of my skin) off game after game. Between this “injury” and my “detox”, the rumors may start to fly!

I don’t know if I’ve written about my fake detox yet… It’s the same line I used last time, before I miscarried. My friends are used to seeing me every weekend and I always have a glass of wine or some other kind of drink. I had to come up with some sort of excuse as to why I wasn’t drinking any more that would be somewhat believeable. In a way, I think that because I’ve done this before, it will make it easier and less suspicious this time. I know for sure last time that one of the ladies on my team knew I was pregnant, so maybe since I’ve come off  “detox” over Christmas and had enjoyed some wine over the holidays, she’ll take it easy on me this time. Also, with it being January and so many people making new year’s resolutions to eat healthier and work out, etc, it will seem like a natural time of year to not be drinking. So what is my fake detox? This is what I tell people: No booze, no coffee, no pop, no fast food and no junk food. I explain that I will allow myself to have a salad or something from Wendy’s but that I won’t have a chicken burger. I think this works because I go beyond the normal restrictions of a pregnancy diet so it sounds more like health binge. Of course, when I’m alone or just with M, I will eat whatever I want.

Back to the doc – one of the things I REALLY wanted was to get an early ultrasound. She is normally great about this type of thing, and I know she really knew how hard I took the miscarriage. I also told her that I had experienced what I figured was implantation bleeding before I took the pregnancy test, and that I had a tiny spot two days ago but nothing since. (Yes, I did completely freak out when I saw it the other morning and we were extremely worried and upset… but yesterday I had one of those funny intuitions that everything was fine.) She said I could go in for an early ultrasound in a couple of weeks and that I should mention to them that I had a bit of spotting. I plan on making an appointment for the last week of the month so that M can be with me. I am looking forward to my ultrasound so much.

Once again, I find myself wishing that I could just fast forward time to the end of January so I can see and maybe even hear my baby’s heartbeat. It’s funny how often I have wished for time to pass by faster. When I first miscarried, I wanted to fast forward to November when I would have my period again. Then in November, I wanted it to be December so that we could start trying to conceive. Once December arrived, I wanted to fast forward to Christmas so I could take my pregnancy test.  Now I am wishing for a couple of flash forwards: 1) end of January so I can have my ultrasound, 2) M’s birthday in mid-Feb so we can tell my mother and 3) March so I can be in my second trimester and have less worry about miscarriage.

I know you are supposed to relish and enjoy your pregnancy, but miscarriage has ruined that for me, I think… Why haven’t they invented a time machine yet?

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7 Comments

  1. moon said,

    I’m sending you lots of positive thougths!!

  2. K said,

    I had spotting too…just a little around the 6 to 7 week mark and all was well at my 9 1/2 week ultrasound…so no worries about the little bit you had. It’s very common. I go for another scan next week which would put me at 11 1/2 weeks and I’m sooooo nervous. I just pray everything is still ok. Did you get to schedule your U/S yet?

  3. Linda said,

    How many weeks are you?

  4. missedconceptions said,

    Given that you have had a previous early miscarriage, I would DEMAND an early ultrasound ASAP. It is not an inconvenience to your OB at all and will give you tremendous peace of mind. Having you wait a few weeks is just, in my opinion, cruel. Keeping your anxiety down is important and I found that insisting upon and u/s (my OB, who has also had a miscarriage, was very generous and empathetic) is the way to go.

    Be pushy if it will make you feel better!!

  5. missedconceptions said,

    Oh, and if you had any sort of spotting, the insurance company will pay for it!

  6. tasha said,

    @ Moon – Thank you! I’m feeling very positive, but I need all the positive thoughts and prayers as possible!

    @ K – It’s good to know you’ve had some spotting, too, and everything is fine. I’ve still had nothing since Tuesday so I’m not too worried about it. I called and scheduled my u/s for Jan 28 and my first visit at the official clinic is Feb 24.

    @ Linda – I am 6 weeks!!!

    @ missedconceptions – I’m OK with waiting a few weeks. She actually said I can go in a 2 weeks, but M will be away that week and I would really like to go together, so we decided to wait till the following week. I also heard that sometimes at 8 weeks it can be difficult to find a heartbeat even if everything is fine, and I know that it would just worry me way too much. Since I am feeling good and haven’t had any more spotting, I would rather wait and be very sure that we should be able to see and hear that little heart beating away like crazy!!

    • Linda said,

      Aww….. I’m glad you can go together.

      I saw my doctor yesterday for the first time since my miscarriage. He was very compassionate!! He assured me that it was nothing I did, that it was not my fault (I began to cry). He said that we live in a fallen world and that our bodies are not perfect, only God is perfect, and that our bodies are just exposed to biological mishaps. He viewed it as a loss and death that should be grieved and is ok to gieve. He also said that I don’t even have to wait for my cycle to return to try again but it is up to me and when I feel ready. I think I would want my cycle to return though just to have a lmp date and know when to test again and to be sure I am ready, but I do feel better after meeting with him. Keep us posted on how you are doing and feeling. Again, congratulations!!!

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