my heart beats for you

January 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm (First Trimester, pregnancy after miscarriage) (, , )

The day I have been both dreading and anticipating finally arrived. Today was my ultrasound.

Two hours before my scheduled appointment, I started to drink those vast amounts of water that you’re supposed to drink before the ultrasound. You’re supposed to drink eight 8 oz. glasses of water in an hour and a half and NOT pee. Let me tell you – I have a hard time holding it for two hours as it is. Holding it while downing that much water wasn’t just causing me discomfort, it was painful! Every little bump in the road had me clenching my teeth, trying to keep my bladder under control. I could barely walk from the car to the clinic, and sitting down once I had checked in was a huge debacle. M told me just to go let a little bit out because I was so uncomfortable, and for awhile I refused, but finally I gave in and went. It was hard to stop!!!

Finally, they called my name and took us in. They asked M to wait for a moment in a seating area, assuring me that he would be able to come in shortly. The techinician could tell I was in extreme difficulty, so she said she would just have  a quick check and that I would probably be able to let some more out. Immediately upon placing the ball on me, she said I could go pee a cup worth! I was in heaven and much more comfortable when I went back in and laid down. Then she set back to work.

Some searching and rolling. A couple of strokes on the keyboard and a few beeps. I don’t think I took a breath. I don’t think my own heart was beating until she said those wonderful wonderful magical words:

I see a heartbeat.

Immediately, I started to bawl. “Thank God!” I cried. After a few more checks, she said she would go out to get M. As the door opened, he could already see my beaming face and the Cheshire Cat grin that stretched from ear to ear. She turned the screen to us again and showed us our baby. She pointed out the tiny heart beating away wildly, the head and developing brain, the little arm and leg buds. She described the little appendages as looking sort of like a gummy bear. How cute! Baby is a little bit smaller than expected at 9 weeks, and she asked if my cycles were a bit long, which I confirmed at about 31-33 days. She said that because it’s within 5 days that they likely would not change my due date. That remains at September 2, 2010. We even got a picture to take home with us and it shows that baby is just about an inch long right now.

I am floating on air right now, with relief washing over me. I can’t describe the feeling of seeing that heartbeat! Seeing it pulse away so madly, so feverishly… it brings me to tears just to picture it again in my mind. I love you, baby, and I can’t wait to meet you.



  1. K said,

    I swear I checked your blog last night every 5 minutes before I finally went to bed. No update. So I got worried. Then I woke up at 3 45 in the morning to use the bathroom of course. Got back in bed and started thinking about you…so I grabbed my IPod and checked your blog!!! I was so happy to read your post I couldn’t go back to sleep. Soooooooo happy for you!!! Those ultrasounds are amazing aren’t they?!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!

  2. Sarah said,

    Congrats, I was thinking of you yesterday as well! You give me the strenght to face my next ultrasound!

  3. L said,

    I got tears in my eyes when I read this. I’m so, so happy for you. Yay!!!!

  4. moon said,

    soooooo happy for you!!!!
    baby’s due date is on my birthday 🙂

  5. tasha said,

    Thank you SO much everyone. Last night I barely slept because 1) I was still so excited to see the heartbeat and 2) all the water I drank kept me going to the bathroom all night!

    @moon – That is such a cool coincidence that baby is due on your birthday!

  6. Linda said,

    That is awesome!!!! You are going to be an awesome mommy and most likely better than most. Congratulations!!!

  7. Kirs said,

    So happy that things went well!

    Thanks for your encouraging words. I decided to start my own blog. It’s:

    Thanks again for sharing your experiences. Looking forward to future updates!

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